The Warnerese-English translator hits the airwaves (well, sort of)

Having gotten over the sock of Warner’s stupidity in signing up His Lordship John Chichester for his first ad, I brought out the world-famous Warnerese-to-English translator.

Mark himself said little during the ad, but there were a few lines that could processed.  As usual, the translation is in bold italics:

We turned the worst budget shortfall in Virginia history into a surplus, and we did it the right way.

I used the shortfall resulting from the worst terrorist attack on Virginia soil to slash the budget and scare Northern Virginia and Hampton Roads voters into raising taxes on themselves and leave myself blameless.  They refused to do it and handed me a humiliating defeat in 2002, but all you dumb saps remember are my budget cuts, so I look great now.

I’m Mark Warner, and I’m running for Senate because partisanship won’t lower the price of gas, and bickering won’t create jobs.

I’m Mark Warner, and I’m running for Senate because it’s easier and more fun than lowering the price of gas and creating jobs, both of which are done by real risk-takers in the private sector.

I approved this message, because we cleaned up the mess in Virginia, and now it’s time to clean up Washington.

I approved this intellectually dishonest collection of rambling thoughts because I had fun taking credit for your hard work in bringing Virginia back from recession, and now I want to take credit for the hard work of Americans who will win a war and bring the national economy back.

As Warner keeps speaking his strange language, I’ll keep the translator going.