A fellow blogger forwarded me the latest fundraising email from Mark Warner. As one would expect, there was quite a bit for the Warnerese-to-English translator to process, but to ensure that all Virginians were informed as to what the Democrat actually says, I could do no less.
As usual, the English is in bold and italics.
Dear XXXXX:
Dear Chump #40557
This election isn’t about left vs. right, or about red states vs. blue states. It’s not even about Democrats vs. Republicans. This election is about the future vs. the past.
This election isn’t about how I broke my promises and rammed a tax increase down your throat as your Governor; it’s about how I will break my promises and ram a tax increase down your throat as your next Senator.
I can’t remember a point in my lifetime when America faced more serious challenges on so many different fronts.
I can’t remember 1980.
Yet too much of the debate in Washington is stuck in the old language of left vs. right. Too many people insist that the only good ideas are Republican ideas or Democratic ideas.
Too many Republicans refuse to roll over and play dead for Harry Reid; rest assured that will be different if I’m in Washington.
I will be a Senator who works with Republicans, Democrats, and Independents to get our country fixed. That’s how I got things done in Richmond as Governor. That’s what we need right now in Washington, DC.
If I can flatter Chichester, Potts, and Hanger into betraying their voters, I can do the same thing to Specter, Snowe, and Collins.
As I write you, we stand just six short months from Election Day. Now is the time to make a difference and give us the resources to run TV ads, organize voters, and defend the attacks that are sure to come. Stand with me for change by making a contribution immediately.
As I write you, I’m planning on lending myself as much money as I need to win, but if you simpletons will make enough contributions, I can pay myself back with interest and actually make a profit from this.
Let’s get this campaign off to a strong start. Over the last four days, I have been to 11 cities all across the Commonwealth of Virginia to announce my candidacy for the U.S. Senate.
Over the last four days, I’ve given the same stump speech to 11 different audiences.
From Southwest Virginia to the Eastern Shore, from Northern Virginiato Southside, Virginians are excited about our common-sense, results-oriented approach, and they want to see more of our Virginia style of leadership in Washington.
Of course, ”results-oriented” and “results-achieving” are two different things, as I proved during my tenure as Governor.
At every stop, we found great crowds with considerable energy and enthusiasm, and it was great to visit with so many friends – and to make many new ones, too.
They laughed at my jokes, cheered my applause lines, and did everything else the local Democrats (and the Republicans who cash paychecks from Timmy) told them to do.
We have an opportunity to lead again on so many important issues.
We have an opportunity to make me look good again on a whole host of things.
We must begin to break our addiction to foreign oil and create a clean energy industry right here in America.
We must begin by cutting out our oil imports before any of you notice that the biggest oil exporter to the U.S. (the Canadian province of Alberta) likes America more than my presidential candidate’s wife or longtime pastor.
We must begin to bring our troops home from Iraq in a safe and responsible way and invest our resources to create jobs and and fix health care here at home.
I can’t say “victory” and “Iraq” in the same sentence, so I must switch gears to domestic issues to make sure you don’t notice.
Our nation needs leaders who will put partisan politics aside and work together to get our country fixed. But we will only get that kind of results-oriented leadership by doing things differently.
Our nation needs leaders who will work together to get things fixed while I take the credit for it by making sure I’m in the same room with them when it happens.
If you’re sick and tired of politicians who are more interested in scoring political points than getting things done, then I urgently need your support for my campaign to bring change to Washington.
If you still haven’t figured out I can lend my campaign as much as I want, go ahead and help me become the only lender left in America who will make a profit (I’ll make sure no one else can if I’m elected).
By beginning this campaign on a strong note, we can show the folks in Washington just how tired we are of partisan politics and just how ready we are for leaders who focus on real results.
If I win, more Republicans will wilt and turn into the RINOs who made me look so good as Governor.
Thank you for your support. By working together, there is nothing we can’t do. – Mark R. Warner
By working together, there’s nothing you can’t do; I can’t wait to take credit for it all. - Mark R. Warner
Whew!
May 9, 2008 at 11:07 am |
Around the Virginian blogosphere…
… Or at least around my Virginia blog-family, anyway…….